We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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