Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
