Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize