just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
