What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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