i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
