My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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