Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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