she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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