Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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