I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
two words: eviction party
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
