Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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