what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The power of my boobs compel you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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