I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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