we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
