haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
