you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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