did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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