This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
