so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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