google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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