Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
