I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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