so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
