fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
