Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
