hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
