Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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