Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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