I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
