i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
