She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
