You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
