she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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