I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
