I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
