I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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