btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
