you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
