I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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