thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
