just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want to make a zoo with you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
