So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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