Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
