Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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