turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize