so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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