so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
