I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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