I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
