Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
did you just send me my own nude
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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