so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
