Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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