Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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