so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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