Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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