Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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