You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
