everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
