Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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