I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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