At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
