my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
