OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize