So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
