I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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