Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
