There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
