god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
