You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i now understand why vodka
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
