I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
